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Punker is an Asshole 2

By Punkerslut

Image by Havok
Image: "Kalisti 75, Scene 2" by Havok

Start Date: Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Finish Date: Tuesday, December 16, 2003

     So, that's right... Punker is an Asshole, Part 2. The routine is simple. I'm put in a closed environment with ignorant people. This may appear safe, but only to the untrained eye. What happens then is a dangerous Punker is released onto an unsuspecting world! Reckless in all his ways, he poses the greatest danger to the establishment. And what does he threaten to do!? What extravagant power does he behold!? He threatens to tell them the truth!!.... wait, that's not so bad, is it? You may think not. But, after trashing religion, promoting Vegetarianism, throwing feces on the structure of government, among other things, people become dispossessed with the truth. Obviously, I believe those things, as they are philosophical or politically natured -- however, I tell the truth in other ways. As we shall see, I tell people what I really think of them. Or, as they call it, the "Punker is an Asshole" psychonaut ability.

     All screen names have been changed to fitting (heh) pseudonyms to protect the privacy, etc., etc., of involved people.

The First Encounter...

I know this kid from a ways back. Anyway, he just pisses me off because he's an idiot and uninvolved.

Haas: hey
Punkerslut: oi
Haas: you hear about those robitussin pills?
Haas: pure dxm
Punkerslut: [nod]
Haas: i wonder how long thats gonna last
Punkerslut: lol
Punkerslut: Last time they did that was back in '98, I think.
Haas: im gonna try and get as many as possible
Haas: yeah i think its cool that such a popular brand like robitussin is coming out and doing it
Haas: they probably did it so they could get all that extra money from dxm users
Punkerslut: Dude, you think most of us pay for it?
Haas: haha
Punkerslut: I've never paid for Tussin.
Haas: i have
Haas: i cant steal
Punkerslut: Cuz you're a little bitch.
Haas: haha
Haas: its kind of a respect th ing
Haas: but yeah i am a little bitch
Punkerslut: No, it's a little bitch thing. =)
Punkerslut: Yeah.
Punkerslut: LB.
Haas: do you know how much they are
Punkerslut: No.
Haas: so much for that online shit :P
Punkerslut: lol, that online shit is at least 10x cheaper
Haas: well if you steal it
Haas: it shouldnt better anyway :P
Punkerslut: Nah, the online stuff is much better, dude.
Haas: although i dont steal it ofcourse
Haas: yeah but
Haas: this is so much easier
Punkerslut: ...... uhhhhh.... maybe cause you're a little bitch.
Haas: haha
Haas: ok
Haas: first of all
Haas: id kick your ass :P
Haas: no doubt about that
Punkerslut: lol, whatever
Haas: but anyway
Punkerslut: Basically, what it comes down to, is, you're a little bitch.
Haas: yeah that must be it
Punkerslut: I think so, bro.
Haas: id like to see you come over and say that to this little bitches face though : )
Punkerslut: Uh, dude, I'll get scared of you when I shrink a few feet.
Haas: whats that supposed to mean? :P
Punkerslut: Eh, that might not even do it.
Punkerslut: You're a little bitch. And little bitches aren't scary.
Haas: ohhh
Haas: k
Haas: prick
Punkerslut: lb
Haas: where do you go to college?
Punkerslut: Umass Dartmouth.
Haas: you dorm there?
Punkerslut: Indeed I do.
Haas: alright
Haas: im gonna go to your room
Haas: and punch you in the face
Punkerslut: lol, come on down, mofukka
Haas: i think you need one
Haas: haha
Punkerslut: I'll be waiting.
Haas: really though it would do you some good
Haas: then again
Haas: id probably break your fragile little face
Punkerslut: Yeah, I think then I'll boot you in the throat because little bitches need that.
Haas: so ill just give you a slap
Haas: lol
Haas: im sure
Punkerslut: Oh, no..... how dare you call my face fragile.
Punkerslut: That is the ultimate insult.
Haas: nah
Haas: not really
Haas: its pretty minor actually
Punkerslut: Dude, I'm just hoping that you're strength is about equal to your mentality.
Haas: you dont even know me
Punkerslut: Meh.
Haas: how can you make any judgement about my mentality :P
Punkerslut: You sound like a fucking tard.
Haas: becaues i dont type in perfect sentence structure on aim? :P
Punkerslut: No, you sound like a fucking tard.
Punkerslut: Dude, shutup and get your ass down here, okay?
Haas: i probably would if you were even worth it or if i knew you
Haas: i didnt think you would take me seriously...
Haas: just fuckin with ya
Punkerslut: Anyway, you're an LB.
Haas: although i definitly could kick your ass
Punkerslut: Sure you could.
Haas: im not one to brag but i do box
Haas: and i know for a fact i would knock your ass out with 3 punches
Punkerslut: Good for you.
Haas: no doubt
Haas: it is
Haas: so i wouldnt be calling me out
Punkerslut: That's great, lb.
Haas: k
Haas: i guess this conversation is just about over
Punkerslut: Yeah.
Punkerslut: Little bitch.
Haas: have a wonderful day my little Andy : * :* :*
Punkerslut: You do that, LB.
Haas: dude
Haas: are you really an asshole, or are you just fuckin around?
Punkerslut: Eh.
Haas: i know how to take a fuckin joke but it seems like your really just being a dick
Punkerslut: Okay, LB.
Haas: yah suck my dick you faggot
Punkerslut: lol, why are you still talking to me? Do you think it helps you for you to open your mouth ever?
Haas: i just like to get in the last word against little cocksuckers like yourself
Punkerslut: Okay, little bitch.
Haas: again, you are a faggot, so if youd like, you can suck my cock
Haas: bitch
Punkerslut: lol

The Second Encounter...

Honestly, I have no idea how I met this person. Actually, long chain of connected events. I was never sober before this time when we talked (if we talked). Hence why I ask "who are you?" Hilarity ensues.

Punkerslut: oi
CarFreak: hi
Punkerslut: Who are you?
CarFreak: u know that girl scarling?
Punkerslut: Yeah?
CarFreak: i got ur name off her buddy list last nite when i hacked her shit :-D
Punkerslut: Oh. Sweet...... I drank a half gallon of vodka last night, so I really have no memory of anything.
CarFreak: not bad
CarFreak: i did that plus shot half a 5th of 180 proof tequila and shot tha worm
CarFreak: i was buzzin good :-)
Punkerslut: Yeah.
CarFreak: she is fuckin hot tho aint she?
Punkerslut: [nod]
CarFreak: i dont know her...just seen her
Punkerslut: I told her that, and she was offended.
CarFreak: hehe
CarFreak: really?
Me: You know, I would really like to fuck you.
Her: Uuhhhh?
CarFreak: i htink she is fuckin sexy as hell actually...wat u think of her
Punkerslut: She's kind of an annoying twat.
CarFreak: lol
CarFreak: aside from that
Punkerslut: That's it..... Somewhat witty. When I was trashed, I had a battle of the words with her -- and if she did good (I think I did better, actually), that makes me want her more.
CarFreak: ive heard that bout her
CarFreak: she is a real smartass
Punkerslut: Meh, I think I decided not to like her after that.
CarFreak: cuz she wont fuck ya?
CarFreak: lol
CarFreak: or cuz she is a smartass
Punkerslut: Anyway.... what's with this 120mph shit? Are you an American asshole who thinks you have a bigger cock because of your car?
Punkerslut: And, uh, your buddy icon, dude.
CarFreak: well
CarFreak: i do have a bigger cock than most ppl
CarFreak: and im very proud of my car actually

Punkerslut: That's because you're a douchebag.
CarFreak: love to see a ca hang with it
CarFreak: y...jealous cuz my cock is twice tha size of urs or cuz my car can whoop ur car or both?
Punkerslut: I don't have a car. And if I did, I would have to have the world's smallest dick to think it makes up for my ego.
Punkerslut: Seriously, guy, it's a sign of mental weakness.
CarFreak: y?
CarFreak: cuz i brag about my car
CarFreak: pfft
Punkerslut: Look, dude, I mean.... I know you, uhhhh, ah, hell with it. You're a fucking mental inferior to the rest of the world if you have to live through a fucking transport device that the American culture has idolized. So polish it good next time, because I'm sure that you have nothing else valuable to live for.
CarFreak: hrmm...nuttin vaulable to live for
Punkerslut: Remember, whatever you say, chances are you'll just be hurting yourself.
CarFreak: ur right...badass job...wife...nuttin vaulable there
Punkerslut: I was right.
CarFreak: nah...ur not that good...
CarFreak: my friends would eat u alive...
CarFreak: i know...weird aint it
Punkerslut: More like you're a fucking idiot.
CarFreak: hahaha
CarFreak: ur callin me tha idiot...
CarFreak: ya know...i could be really cruel to u...really fucin mean
CarFreak: but im not...im gonna chill
CarFreak: cuz i could really piss u off
Punkerslut: I'm shaking with fear, brother.
Punkerslut: And the worst you could give me, is an intense desire to nap.
CarFreak: lmao
CarFreak: im not
dude...seriously...its really mean...ud be so pissed as to come down from oklahoma or wherever and wanna kick my ass
Punkerslut: Uh..... you're stupid.
CarFreak: im stupid...and ur tha one who dated aubree
Punkerslut: uuuuuuuhhhh?
Punkerslut: I don't date people.
CarFreak: ok
CarFreak: ur tha one who fucked aubree...or wanted to...or wants to
Punkerslut: No.
CarFreak: haha...not wat i heard...rofl
Punkerslut: Uhhhhh..... dude, that's pretty sad if you're getting a kick outta that. =)
Punkerslut: lol
CarFreak: i find it incredibly funny actually
CarFreak: u wanna fuck her...noone better?
Punkerslut: Not surprising.
Punkerslut: Uuuuuhhh.... I really hope this isn't what you meant by "ripping you apart" (or whatever dumbass thing you said). I mean, for your sake, anyway.
CarFreak: nah...im still being nice
CarFreak: ur tha sicko who wants aubree
Punkerslut: the*
Punkerslut: Jesus fucking Christ...... the*
CarFreak: or
CarFreak: tha
CarFreak: :-D
Punkerslut: You're a douchebag.
CarFreak: im tha douchebag and u wanted to fuck tha nastiest douche of all
CarFreak: ahahahaha
Punkerslut: lol
CarFreak: how do u like tha rock's pancakes?
Punkerslut: And who the fuck is Aubree, anyway?
CarFreak: aubree is teh girl u want
CarFreak: she is teh girl of ur dreams
CarFreak: she is teh one u wanna hop in teh sack with
Punkerslut: lol, you're an idiot.... Dude, if I ever live past twenty, and I say, "The girl you wanna hop in the sack with," I would immediately decapitate my penis.
CarFreak: ya
CarFreak: i would to
CarFreak: if i was past 20
Punkerslut: Jesus christ... Tell me you're not married before being 20.
CarFreak: ya...so
CarFreak: prob?
Punkerslut: If I implied in any way, that you were only partially mentally inferior, I was way off.
CarFreak: nah...im pretty stupid i think...
CarFreak: least i dont hit on girls on tha net...
CarFreak: say i wanna fuck them
CarFreak: and wanna fuck aubree
Punkerslut: Uh, ... hhhmmmm....
CarFreak: u like talkin bout ppl's douches
CarFreak: hows ur moms?
CarFreak: wow no witty retort?
Punkerslut: I'm trying to think of an insult, but, uhhh, you're insulting yourself too good.
Punkerslut: (see above)
CarFreak: ok
CarFreak: i asked YOU how YOUR moms was...like it?
CarFreak: it was ok...kinda rank tho
Punkerslut: You're fucking stupid.
CarFreak: im fuckin stupid?
Punkerslut: For someone who can't spell "the" properly.
Punkerslut: Dude, that's just me, though. =)
CarFreak: ya
CarFreak: u needa online chick
CarFreak: so u can fuck her in tha mother board
Punkerslut: Wow, that's just...... wow, man.
CarFreak: its ok...u get urs in a different way than real men
Punkerslut: If I did, I'd be one proud motherfucker.
CarFreak: cuz u fuck tha mother board while she says OoOoOoOo ya big daddy...harder...HARDER...POP THAT PROCESSOR BABY YA!!!! MmMmmmm
Punkerslut: Uuuummmm....
Punkerslut: You're dumb.
CarFreak: witty retort comin from someone who is intellectually "superior" to me
Punkerslut: I 'unno, man.... you're kinda one step behind the rest when you constantly misspell the word "the."
CarFreak: ya
CarFreak: im stuck in tha stone age
CarFreak: but hey
CarFreak: i know wat real pussy feels like...how does tha mother board feel?
Punkerslut: That's neither funny nor witty.
CarFreak: not funny?
CarFreak: cuz im insultin u dumbass
Punkerslut: It, uhhh.... Jesus christ, man. I've never seen anyone this immature. Must come from an unhealthy sexual lust of cars.
CarFreak: id hope u wouldnt find my insulting u funny
Punkerslut: Nah, I'm pretty sure the idea of insulting is to make someone feel bad, not feel that you're a fucking idiot.
CarFreak: wow...u must really be jealous i can misspell "the" without missin a beat...i fuck real women and u fuck online chicks in tha motherboard...and o dont forget...ur jealous cuz my dick is bigger and my car is better...
Punkerslut: lol
CarFreak: im not knockin it tho
CarFreak: if u wanna cyber with a girl then do it
CarFreak: when ur man enuff to go get really pussy then go for it...but for now its ok ur fuckin ur puter
Punkerslut: Yeah, man.
CarFreak: ill brb...early mornin fuck...
CarFreak: dont worry...im not fuckin tha motherboard...i know how much u love it
Punkerslut: Who the fuck is Aubree, anyway?

Auto response from CarFreak: I aint here right now...leave your name, number, and a brief message and if you aint a dumbass or an idiot...I'll get back to u

Third Encounter...

Now, this guy is a friend of the first guy. Also a douchebag, and not very amusing. Apparently both of them thought I was someone named Chris (?). Enjoy.

Douchebag: i know what the rock is cooking :D
Punkerslut: And, this is........ Megan? =)
Douchebag: yes yes it is
Douchebag: hes cooking pancakes
Punkerslut: .....?
Punkerslut: Aroo?
Douchebag: Apoo?
Punkerslut: wtf is going on right now
Douchebag: your chatting arent you?
Punkerslut: Just as you IM'd me......
CarFreak: how do u like tha rock's pancakes?
Douchebag: umm...nice and long!
Punkerslut: .....
Punkerslut: And, he keeps spelling the wrong.
Douchebag: the wrong what?
Punkerslut: "THE"
Douchebag: teh
Douchebag: your chirs huh?
Punkerslut: ....
Punkerslut: ?
Douchebag: oops chris
Douchebag: or is it chrisT
Punkerslut: .....
Douchebag: hi christ im baby jesus
Punkerslut: You are weird.
Douchebag: so the son of god is weird?
Douchebag: most people call me bajebus
Punkerslut: Jesus christ... Tell me you're not married before being 20.
CarFreak: ya...so
CarFreak: prob?
Punkerslut: If I implied in any way, that you were only partially mentally inferior, I was way off.
Douchebag: har har who dat?
Punkerslut: Some douche.
Douchebag: mmmm douche wanna lick mine?
Punkerslut: You're fukt.
Douchebag: you know an aubree huh...
Punkerslut: ...... this isn't Megan.
Douchebag: *grins evily*
Douchebag: took you long enough
Punkerslut: No, she's pretty fucking insane.
Punkerslut: I mean, well, yeah.
Douchebag: megan who?
Punkerslut: The girl I wanna hop in the sack with! OMG ROFL MAO!
Douchebag: damn...i wanna be megan!
Douchebag: i know what you look like :D
Douchebag: i know scary huh...i was scared as well...
Douchebag: can i show you?
Douchebag wants to directly connect.
Douchebag is now directly connected.
Punkerslut: [le sigh]
Douchebag: le is french my name has french in it
Douchebag: hrm...where did i put it
Douchebag: :D
Punkerslut: Bwahahahahaha.... Who the fuck is that?
Douchebag direct connection is closed.
Douchebag: oops wrong pic :P i must of deleted it
Douchebag: that eddy munster
Punkerslut: Yeah.
Douchebag: wow...codes for drugs
Douchebag: i know cool huh!
Douchebag: and i like the fact that all caps gets the point of yelling across
Punkerslut: Welcome to the world of getting it.
Douchebag: come on put the front down let me in, i just wanna get to know you
Douchebag: your cute despite the fact your a bitch...i like it
Punkerslut: Uh, yeah.
Douchebag: i quoted you :D
Punkerslut: I wouldn't be surprised.
Punkerslut: Who the fuck is aubree?
Douchebag: got me!
Punkerslut: ...... yeah.
Punkerslut: I wouldn't be surprised if I said those.
Punkerslut: I was pretty drunk.
Douchebag: whens?
Punkerslut: Pretty much all the time nowadays.
Douchebag: on whats?
Punkerslut: See profile.
Punkerslut: "codes for drugs" lol
Douchebag: so christ, hows it going now and days?
Douchebag: :-( you no wanna talk anymores?
Punkerslut: Uh....
Punkerslut: You're retarded.
Douchebag: hrm..what about teh sex?
Punkerslut: No, you're just.... reread what I last said.
Douchebag: arent we all in a way
Douchebag: you like repeating your self, oops sorry i mean halfway repeating your self and using refences
Punkerslut: I don't think my attitude really changes when the other person pretty much CLEARLY expresses their mental (dis?)ability.
Douchebag: i havent clearly shown you anything you just asume im this way...you cant realy tell alot form ones chat/typing
Punkerslut: Yeah, nobody ever expressed an intelligent thought with words. wtf was I thinking?
Punkerslut: Actually, yeah, that "codes for drugs" was pretty indicative.
Punkerslut: I mean, really, yeah.
Douchebag: :D
Douchebag: see the way you type i could asume you have some what of a mind, and you cocky and full of your self.
Punkerslut: Not.... really. Just when the other person is a dick.
Douchebag: and me hafs the brains of 2 years old huhs?
Punkerslut: "huhs"?
Douchebag: but how do you know im actually being a dick or acting like it.
Punkerslut: I'm sorry I misjudged your mental ability.
Douchebag: :D
Douchebag: yar im really 5 not 3
Douchebag: mmuuahahha
Douchebag: you seem to belive you are.
Punkerslut: No, my friend! YOU ARE!
Douchebag: see you asume to much, do you always just throw that word around?
Punkerslut: Which word?
Punkerslut: The proper spelling of "the"?
Punkerslut: Yeah, bad habit.
Douchebag: lol
Douchebag: friend
Douchebag: if i said i had to shots in the ass what would you assume
Punkerslut: That you really aren't good at communicating a thought.
Douchebag: why is that?
Punkerslut: [sigh]
Punkerslut: Dude, just stopping trying to come up with original thinking. It's a lost battle.
Douchebag: it was just a question, damn so hostal
Punkerslut: lol
Punkerslut: hostal
Douchebag: like my mad spelling skills huh!
Punkerslut: They be ill, yo.
Douchebag: word
Douchebag: how old you think i am just from the way i type? some people think i be 7
Douchebag: holla
Punkerslut: Dude, shut the fuck up, you're not helping yourself.
Douchebag: hahaha i know.
Douchebag: i just find it amusing
Douchebag: oops sorry amoosing
Punkerslut: I'm blocking you now.

Fourth Encounter...

Other screennames of the above-said douchebag.

Douchebag2: :-( you bloxed me!

Douchebag3: why you gatta be doing that dawg it aint cool aight!

Douchebag4: LAWL
Douchebag4: i lub youz
Douchebag4: if you were a drink you would be hateraid
Douchebag4: if you were an animal you would be an allahater
Douchebag4: A/S/L
Douchebag4: you like to blox ppl huh?

[Author's Note: Just.... what.... the..... fuck..... is..... this?]


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