It has become time once again to release the rantings of one psychologically altered writer. One might wonder why I release such profane exchanges between myself and my friends alongside my political and religious essays. In one corner, you find the sophisticated detailing of how Locke's theory of rights is incompatible with Bentham's utilitarian ideal, but then there's two people arguing who go from satirizing Jesus Christ to arguing who can drink more. How is it that these things come together to form the same body of thought? How does black humor meld with French philosophy and individualist manifestos? That's a good question. I really just think that all forms of writing carry the same tendencies. Fuck, I'd love to write a script for a porn flick to make something a bit more interesting and sexually stimulating than the crap that mainstream publishers make. Writing is just a way of manifesting thoughts. And when some of these thoughts carry the trends of other ideas on this site, then they're definitely fitting in the collection. Enjoy. I hope my intoxicated moments prove to be a source of humor...
RightHandMan: I fucking hate my gf.
RightHandMan: But I love alcohol.
Punkerslut: Mmmmmm, drugs are my anti-people.
Punkerslut: I just watched the movie Boondock Saints.
Punkerslut: What a piece of fucking shit.
RightHandMan: I love that movie.
RightHandMan: Nigga what.
Punkerslut: It so sucked.
RightHandMan: Psh, nigga please.
Punkerslut: It was so lame.
Punkerslut: It was just..... awful.
RightHandMan: Girlfriends that make you stay home from train hopping then lie right to your face are pieces of shit.
Punkerslut: That movie came damn close.
Punkerslut: "I touched an unconscious stripper's tit! Now I have to kill the two guys who were paying her to strip!"
Punkerslut: And the moral/dialogue of the story follows so pathetically.
Punkerslut: The director/producer's view of the story is hardly the most biased, obnoxious, stupid, and annoying yet seen.
Punkerslut: "Who are these guys?! THEY MUST BE SUPER FUCKING WORKING CLASS PRIESTS WHO LOVE TO KILL THE RUSSIAN MAFIA!"
Punkerslut: Nothing in the story fits together.
Punkerslut: Hey, let's just make them priests.
Punkerslut: Hey, let's just make them good at shooting.
Punkerslut: And hey, let's just have them kill the Russian mafia.
Punkerslut: Why? Why? Why?
Punkerslut: Before any of these questions get answers, boom, someone gets drunk and kills a cat and you're praying for credits.
RightHandMan: I just liked the violence...
Punkerslut: "She uses drugs. So I'm gonna kill her cat."
Punkerslut: Yeah, sounds like a priest.
RightHandMan: Sounds like all the priests I know.
Punkerslut: The dumbest movie I've ever seen.
Punkerslut: Because whenever someone says, "Rule of thumb," to me, I usually kick them in the balls.
Punkerslut: This movie is the same as professional wrestling.
Punkerslut: Some good guy shows up, all big and mean, and does something honorable and good, and boom, when his back is turned, the bad guy smashes him with a metal chair, right as he was handing a rose to a little orphan girl.
Punkerslut: And the whole audience goes, "Booooooo!!!"
Punkerslut: And while he's laughing, cackling on his excesses, the good guy gets up like nothing happened, because nothing really did happen, and does some uber-super move, KA-PAAAWWW!!! And everyone cheers, as the brains of the super-evil-badman as splurged out upon the audience. "wh0000!!!! We want more!!!!"
Punkerslut: It's.... fucking..... disgusting...... is what that movie is.
Punkerslut: I swear to god. If you asked me to write a script when I was ten years old, you'd have gotten Boondock Saints.
Punkerslut: "Let's kill all these badguy drug dealers! Oh, by the way, it's okay if you DRINK your drug!"
Punkerslut: Okay, I'm done.
LSD Casualty: hey can i talk to u about something personal?
Punkerslut: Yeah, I'm here.
LSD Casualty: i dont know i thought i started my peroid just a few minutes ago..but turns out im just really wet.
Punkerslut: I...... see.
LSD Casualty: is that weird?
LSD Casualty: like am i messed up?
Punkerslut: Being.... really wet?
Punkerslut: I don't know, really.
LSD Casualty: yeah
LSD Casualty: i havn't even touched myself yet
Punkerslut: ..... what do you mean?
LSD Casualty: mmm i like being horny
LSD Casualty: i wanna take off my shirt but i dont know
LSD Casualty: hmm
Punkerslut: What's going on here?!!?
LSD Casualty is away at 2:17:17 AM.
[Brilliance and cunning, my friends. That's what you just witnessed.]
LSD Casualty returned at 2:19:23 AM.
LSD Casualty: oh nothing just being vunerable
LSD Casualty: haha
LSD Casualty: like any one wud wanna take advantage of poor ol me
Punkerslut: .... ummmmm, what?
Punkerslut: What do you mean?
LSD Casualty: my tummy hurts
Punkerslut: Is that what you mean?
LSD Casualty: i want someone to cuddle with then finger me
Punkerslut: I'm disturbed.
LSD Casualty: y
Punkerslut: Becaaaaaause.... I am.
Punkerslut: You want sex now?
LSD Casualty: yerp.
Punkerslut: Uuummmmm..... yeah.
LSD Casualty: lol wat?
LSD Casualty: u asked me
Punkerslut: True. I DID.
LSD Casualty: :-( help me
Punkerslut: What do you need?
LSD Casualty: to be cradeled and held and rocked to sleep
LSD Casualty: i dont feel good
LSD Casualty: *points to where her tummy liver is*
LSD Casualty: :-(
Punkerslut: What about your tummy?
LSD Casualty: my liver hurts
LSD Casualty: :-(
LSD Casualty: i dont know
LSD Casualty: *clings*
LSD Casualty: :-(:-(:-(
Punkerslut: See the doctor?
LSD Casualty: no doctors are quacks.
LSD Casualty: and scare me.
Punkerslut: I think you're scaring me. =)
LSD Casualty: *hugs him* :-( dont let go im scared
LSD Casualty: :-(
Punkerslut: I'm teasing.
Punkerslut: You're so beautiful, gorgeous, attractive. Every part of you, I imagine every man will want. You're a pretty little Mayella Yule.
[Let's see if she picks up on that reference...]
LSD Casualty: aww.. *HUGGLES TIGHT*
LSD Casualty: ur soo sweet.
LSD Casualty: and im soo glad my bra and shirt is off
LSD Casualty: uh oh
LSD Casualty: my boobs are itching
LSD Casualty: and u know what that means
LSD Casualty: 1. im pregnant 2. they are growing 3. im juss horny. :D
LSD Casualty: do u give good massages
Punkerslut: Oh, baby, do I!
LSD Casualty: *sits down on his lap*
LSD Casualty: go for it
Punkerslut: You are sooooooo crazy. =)
LSD Casualty: *sniffles* i was serious lol
LSD Casualty: eehorray
LSD Casualty: my boobs have a temperature
LSD Casualty: i hope they will be okay
Punkerslut: Do you ever think about..... stuff?
LSD Casualty: what kind of stuff :-)
Punkerslut: Oh, my god..... you e-whore!
Note: I don't remember saying it, but I honestly have to give myself an e-clap for that remark.
LSD Casualty: :-(
Punkerslut: I'm joking. =)
LSD Casualty: *lowers head and runs away*
LSD Casualty: mommeeeeee
Punkerslut: You know, I have no testicles.
LSD Casualty: well i dont have any nipples
Punkerslut: Testicles are more important than nipples.
LSD Casualty: nah
LSD Casualty: they both have milk!
LSD Casualty: kinda
Punkerslut: But, without testicles, I can't get an erection, and I can't want to have sex.
LSD Casualty: aw well so u never get horny
Punkerslut: It's true.
Punkerslut: It's very true.
LSD Casualty: oh so if i like
LSD Casualty: did..
LSD Casualty: *slides her hand on his thigh*
LSD Casualty: *purrr*
LSD Casualty: u wudn't get horny?
Punkerslut: True, it does nothing.
LSD Casualty: hmm..
LSD Casualty: how about
LSD Casualty: *fucks*
LSD Casualty: lol
Punkerslut: Nothin'. =)
LSD Casualty: fuccccck me in the ear
LSD Casualty: damnit thats gya
LSD Casualty: gay too
Punkerslut: It is.
LSD Casualty: rour
LSD Casualty: lets go get waffles
Punkerslut: I'm not in Cali. =)
LSD Casualty: well
LSD Casualty: cum here damnut
Punkerslut: You just put sexual orientation on 2/3rds of that sentence.
LSD Casualty: no i didn't
LSD Casualty: 8-)
LSD Casualty: O:-)
LSD Casualty: SPANK IT
LSD Casualty: looks like its just u and me jimmy
LSD Casualty is away at 4:16:57 AM.
Punkerslut: But, I meant, do you do anything useful?
LSD Casualty: i masterbate
LSD Casualty: i pleasure myself!
LSD Casualty: i do tae kwon do
Punkerslut: ...... wow.
Punkerslut: World revolution is imminent now.
LSD Casualty: ur mean
LSD Casualty is away at 8:08:54 PM.
The Plastic Jesus: Yea, his label puts out bands like Ghost Mice too. so its a respectable underground label.
Punkerslut: Ghizost Mizice!
The Plastic Jesus: I hope your wasted or you're getting punched.
Punkerslut: I am.
[A picture of a baby holding a pistol.]
Punkerslut: More family photos!
The Plastic Jesus: Is this you?
Punkerslut: I have no idea.
Punkerslut: I wish!
Punkerslut: It would explain a lot.
The Plastic Jesus: lol
Punkerslut: She dislikes all drugs?
Austin: Yeah, it's not for everyone you know
Punkerslut: Well, there's a difference between that being your preference and your politics.
Punkerslut: Anyone who tells me that they're oppossed to drug legalization is instantly dead to me.
Austin: I don't think her preference has anything to do with legalization of anything
Punkerslut: Is her preference because of her politics?
Punkerslut: (i.e. she doesn't think people should be allowed to use drugs)
Austin: I hardly think that
Austin: They're not for her
Punkerslut: I'm just curious what kind of girl you're getting in to. I still have to look out for you, you know.
Austin: ;-) I appreciate it
revoltbypassion: wanna see something that i think will piss you off beyond all reason?
Punkerslut: You know what movie was the worst movie ever made? StarTrek: Generations. Ugh, oh god, was it bad.
Boomer: it gets points for having William Shatner in it
Punkerslut: Yeah, and like, double points for having him die twice.
Torn: I know. you can legally get alcohol.
Torn: so, that's less fun, but easier.
Punkerslut: Psh, fuck the scam, give me the drugs.
Punkerslut: Heh, some guy said, "Are you more of an ass man?" lol, I love this country.
The Plastic Jesus: lol
Punkerslut: Be my moral guide. Should I walk four blocks and buy a forty of PBR?
The Plastic Jesus: You're asking an alcoholic if you should buy beer or not.
Punkerslut: .... yeah.
Punkerslut: I should probably start putting on my shoes.
The Plastic Jesus: Yea, I mean WHAT you should do is go through the withdrawls... but withdrawls can be rough and if you need a kick I say take it.
Punkerslut: That was just like an AA meeting. =)
The Plastic Jesus: lol, yes it was.
The Plastic Jesus: Drugs are one thing I have in my life that I know will always be there for me
Punkerslut: Unlike girlfriends.
Punkerslut: Drugs are ALWAYS in the mood.
The Plastic Jesus: hah
The Plastic Jesus: I like that, its gunna be my new away message "Unlike girlfriends, drugs are ALWAYS in the mood"
Punkerslut: Lol, yes. =)
Punkerslut: I am an inspiration for people getting loaded by themselves instead of fucking each other, yes, that's me.
Punkerslut: Operation enduring intoxication has already started.
RightHandMan: I am getting a handle of Vodka, bottle of Jager and Peach Schnapps for my girlfriend.
Punkerslut: Why? Did you screw up?
RightHandMan: lol, no.
Punkerslut: Just affection.
RightHandMan: Just a friday.
RightHandMan: That too.
RightHandMan: Yeah, I can't wait.
RightHandMan: Operation die of alcohol poisoning is soon to be executed.
Punkerslut: lol, niiiiiiiiice. =)
RightHandMan: With our aresenal of beverages.
Punkerslut: We conquer the enemy, consciousness, who has threatened our liberty ever since it sprouted its ugly head.
RightHandMan: Yeah, freedom hating, terrorist!
Punkerslut: Anyone who doesn't support drugs, supports our enemy -- sobriety.
Punkerslut: You're with us, or against us.
RightHandMan: They must be dealt with with swift and precise action.
RightHandMan: We must hunt down these terrorist supporters, tap phones, and put cameras on the street corners, operation big brother is soon to be put into action.
RightHandMan: The Sobriety Act.
Punkerslut: If we fail to react with maximum intoxication, that'll send a message to sobriety that we're weak as a country.
RightHandMan: The war on Sobriety.
Punkerslut: Mmmmmmm...... irony. =)
RightHandMan: Fucking hell.
Punkerslut: I somehow have to turn this past minute of conversation into an entire comedy article. =)
This bit of conversation was between myself and a Christian who e-mailed the site. You should always be on the lookout if an e-mail ever starts out with, "You know, my favorite part of the internet is that I get to talk with such interesting, different, and unique people." Be careful, because with that left suckerpunch, they cram the bible into your gut. You're left on your knees with some horrible pain in your belly as the missionary pours pamphlet after pamphlet on to you. He walks away as you're left feeling exploited for someone else's religious idea, one that is probably inspired from a deep-rooted psychological illness. But I was ready for a debate with a Fundamentalist: I had been drinking massive quantities of Pabst Blue Ribbon (cheap, union-made, vegan beer). This is also the biggest section of the article, bigger than the other conversations put together; it's kind of like a very simple Christianity versus Atheism debate. With that warning, proceed and enjoy...
Punkerslut: oi oi
Punkerslut: How goes it?
ChristIsLord: it's going
ChristIsLord: and how about yourself?
Punkerslut: Eh, you know, massive quantities of alcohol, etc..
ChristIsLord: right, right, that'll kill yah!
ChristIsLord: well the hangover if anything
Punkerslut: This is Punkerslut, if you haven't figured it out yet.
ChristIsLord: oh hey
ChristIsLord: I was thinking you were one of my friends friend
ChristIsLord: so was up
Punkerslut: Eh, I got your letter. Something about Christianity.
ChristIsLord: yeah man
Punkerslut: I'm pretty sure I refuted all of those points at various moments in my website.
ChristIsLord: ok I would love to see, right now man. where at?
ChristIsLord: b/c, I'm far better at seeing it and than discussing
ChristIsLord: my computer is being stupid I can't get in.
ChristIsLord: that's one reason you don't want dial up!
Punkerslut: What was your main objection to Atheism?
ChristIsLord: hhmmm... oh I remember you said that God the Father wasn't being loving by sending his only Son.
ChristIsLord: but isn't that a type of love that surpasses all other?
Punkerslut: Sacrificing your son? Eh.
Punkerslut: That's pathetic. There are better ways for individuals to show affection.
ChristIsLord: Sacrificing your son, The Son was brought back to life.
Punkerslut: So he didn't really sacrifice him.
Punkerslut: He did a take-back.
Punkerslut: How weak.
ChristIsLord: Jesus was God, therefore God sent himself to Die but since God is perfect death could not take him.
ChristIsLord: does that make since my friend?
Punkerslut: Okay, let's take some ballistics here.
Punkerslut: A god comes from the heavens, impregnates a woman, and causes a virgin to give birth to a being with supernatural abilities who performs miracles.
Punkerslut: Hhhhhmmmmmm, sounds like most of the characters from Roman and Greek Mythology.
Punkerslut: Marduk, Mithras, etc., etc..
Punkerslut: What a lame story. It's not even original.
Punkerslut: And the story of god creating adam and eve? That dates back at least four thousand years before the Torah was allegedly written, and at least seven thousand years before it was discovered.
ChristIsLord: HHHMMM but what was the alliterative motive?
Punkerslut: The ulterior motive was for religious leaders to have a flock of sheep who would obey their every whim.
ChristIsLord: That doesn't have anything to do with why Christ would send his Son?
Punkerslut: It's a fictional story, get it? It never really happened.
ChristIsLord: who says?
Punkerslut: Well, it was never proven.
Punkerslut: For one.
ChristIsLord: Jesus did exist
Punkerslut: Not really.
ChristIsLord: that I believe is proven
Punkerslut: No, it's not.
Punkerslut: In fact, it's impossible for him to exist.
Punkerslut: What were his last words?
Punkerslut: "It is done" or "Father, why have you forsaken me?"
Punkerslut: It couldn't be both, right?
Punkerslut: Was he Vegetarian like Thomas said, or did he create loaves and fishes like the four "accepted" gospels say?
ChristIsLord: go out into all the nations and preach the gospel
ChristIsLord: those were his last words
Punkerslut: While on the cross?
ChristIsLord: the cross he said it is finished
ChristIsLord: meaning it is done.
ChristIsLord: I have done the will of the lord
Punkerslut: What about "Father, why have you forsaken me?"
ChristIsLord: correct he had the sins of the World on his back, God is perfect and therefor can not be around Sin, when it was finished he restored fellowship with the father
ChristIsLord: for that time period Christ was seperated from the father
ChristIsLord: that's why Christ had to become man! God became a man.To take on sin
ChristIsLord: when he was found perfect, it's only then he could take our sin
ChristIsLord: he died physically
Punkerslut: Mark doesn't quote Jesus' last words as "It is Done."
Punkerslut: Why is that?
Punkerslut: Is the gospel of Mark wrong?
ChristIsLord: than rose on the 3rd day
Punkerslut: I mean, if Jesus said "It is done," before he died, then Mark 13:34 must be completely wrong.
Punkerslut: Wow, god fucked up pretty badly at writing his own book, eh?
ChristIsLord signed off at 6:28:03 PM.
ChristIsLord signed on at 6:30:13 PM.
Punkerslut: Welcome back.
ChristIsLord: haha my stupid cp did it again
ChristIsLord: yeah Matt. 13:34 doesn't say that
ChristIsLord: Jesus said, How many Loaves do you have?
Punkerslut: I said Mark befroe.
ChristIsLord: oh mark
Punkerslut: "Eloi. Eloi. Lama sabachthani."
Punkerslut: so, yeah...
Punkerslut: What were Jesus' last words exactly?
ChristIsLord: you do know why he was forsaken correct?
Punkerslut: That is 100% irrelevant.
Punkerslut: In Luke, 23:45, his last words were "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."
Punkerslut: How can you believe in this guy?
ChristIsLord: it's 100% relevant
Punkerslut: No, it's not. This is a question of rationalizing and logic.
Punkerslut: You can't be a married bachelor.
Punkerslut: Or a square circle.
Punkerslut: Or a living corpse.
Punkerslut: And you can't have two, er, three sets of dying lines.
ChristIsLord: you can be a living dead man
ChristIsLord: you can say a number of things and have different people record different parts of the whole
Punkerslut: Well, then, why not say that about everything else in the Bible?
ChristIsLord: you need to receive the whole revelation
ChristIsLord: I do
Punkerslut: Christ died for your sins? No, no, that's a misinterpretation. He KILLED for your sins
[Originally from: Sealab 2021, the Alvis-Time Festival..].
ChristIsLord: and yours too
ChristIsLord: He died your death paid your penalty
Punkerslut: So, what god ultimately thinks, is in the hands of the interpreter now?
ChristIsLord: Now you can live with the Father
Punkerslut: This ultimate creator of the universe, powerful and all-knowing, has problems letting himself known.
ChristIsLord: Look around can't you see His handi work
Punkerslut: Yeah, everything has a goddamn "made by Jesus" imprint on it.
ChristIsLord: I suppose its all chance
Punkerslut: What's more likely? That a universe will pop out of nowhere, or a massive, unbelievable, uber-spirit will randomly appear, some guy who creates universes when he has wet dreams?
ChristIsLord: If there's any chance in the probably, then I want to find out if He did.
Punkerslut: And if everything needs to be created by god, why did you choose Jesus?
Punkerslut: What? Are his miracles more impressive than those of the Zoroaster or Buddha or Vishnu?
ChristIsLord: He claims to be the one true God
ChristIsLord: Do you believe Him
Punkerslut: Oh, well, that makes him different.
Punkerslut: What do you mean "he"? Those are dead pages in a book.
Punkerslut: No different than any other scripture.
ChristIsLord: He - One true personal God revealed himself in the masculine
Punkerslut: That god is a man?
ChristIsLord: God became man because man couldnt become God
Punkerslut: That makes...... total sense.
ChristIsLord: Wouldnt you like to be like God?
Punkerslut: Whereas woman could become god, therefore, god chose the form of a man.
Punkerslut: A fictional character? No thanks. I prefer being real.
ChristIsLord: dead man walking?
Punkerslut: I do prefer being real.
ChristIsLord: To be really fulfilled is to be one with the Author of Life
ChristIsLord: He wants you to know Him
Punkerslut: What does this have to do with Jesus' last words?
ChristIsLord: What do you care if you dont believe?
Punkerslut: And even if I did decide that the world had to have a creator, then why am I going to wrap myself around the leg of this brutal dictator who ordered Moses to capture 32,000 virgins for raping?
Punkerslut: I've got every reason.
Punkerslut: For example, stopping people from promoting a religion where god orders the raping of 32 thousand virgins.
Punkerslut: You want the verse, holmes?
ChristIsLord: God never ordered the raping of 32,000 virgins
Punkerslut: Numbers: 31:31-40.
ChristIsLord: Doesnt say they were raped
ChristIsLord: They were captured as plunder
Punkerslut: Slay all men and women, but women who have not known men, take them for yourselves.
Punkerslut: Okay, god ordered the enslaving of 32,000 woman. I'm sure those were good god-fearing men who would only enslave, murder, and pillage, but not rape.
Punkerslut: NU 31:17-18 "... all the young girls who have not known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."
ChristIsLord: These were Midianites who were enemies of Israel
Punkerslut: Whoaaaaa, you're right!
Punkerslut: Enslave and rape them all!
Punkerslut: And kill their children!!!!
Punkerslut: Because Jesus would have wanted it.
Punkerslut: A christian for the destruction of their enemies, who they also love.
Punkerslut: Well what a great deal of faith.
Punkerslut: Because, loving your enemies means killing their children and raping their other children.
ChristIsLord: In the Old Testament God had them destroy the enemy, arent you glad we dont live then?
Punkerslut: What do you mean "we"?
Punkerslut: My people were destroyed by the christians.
ChristIsLord: If the enemy isnt destroyed He will destroy YOU
Punkerslut: The enemy did destroy my people.
Punkerslut: So I should start a war against all christians?
Punkerslut: I should kill their children and rape their daughters?
ChristIsLord: Who are your people?
Punkerslut: That's my bloodline.
Punkerslut: All people are my people.
Punkerslut: But, does destroying the enemy necessarily have to include raping the female women?
Punkerslut: The females*
Punkerslut: And then, after this, your response is to get on your knees and worship this god?
Punkerslut: I'd be saying, "No, god isn't dead yet, but I'll get him one day." [Note: That's a lyric of the band Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains.]
ChristIsLord: it doesnt say they raped them again
Punkerslut: What do you think it means?
Punkerslut: Enslave, okay, fine.
ChristIsLord: Essenes believe in God
Punkerslut: Yeah, so?
ChristIsLord: you are one
Punkerslut: By blood.
Punkerslut: Hungarian Jew.
Punkerslut: But, seriously.
Punkerslut: Why would you want to worship such a monster?
Punkerslut: Enslaving women? What the hell.
Punkerslut: That shit doesn't fly.
ChristIsLord: I am a slave to him now
Punkerslut: I see that.
ChristIsLord: and Hes good to me
ChristIsLord: its true
Punkerslut: You're avoiding the issue.
Punkerslut: God...... allows slavery.
ChristIsLord: no i'm not
Punkerslut: Exodus 21:2-6; Leviticus 25:44-46
ChristIsLord: I am a slave to Him --- willingly
Punkerslut: God sanctioned slavery.
ChristIsLord: I'm one
Punkerslut: So, it's okay to beat you to near death, only?
ChristIsLord: Buddy really God did not intend on there being slaves, sin, enemies....Read the beginning of the Book, and Read athe End
ChristIsLord: The middle is for sinful men
ChristIsLord: Everything in the middle is to show you that you need His Provision so you can have life in the End
ChristIsLord: God wants the enemy to be destroyed in your life
Punkerslut: You should be institutionalized.
Punkerslut: You've got it worse than those people who get tortured by years and locked in closets.
ChristIsLord: kill everything that wants to destroy your life
Punkerslut: At the end, they keep saying, "No, my master was good to me! I need my master."
Punkerslut: A serious victims-master complex.
ChristIsLord: Dont you want to live free?
Punkerslut: I do live free.
Punkerslut: As free as I can in Capitalism.
ChristIsLord: You sound full of hatred to me
Punkerslut: That's probably an accurate understanding.
ChristIsLord: Then you are not free
Punkerslut: You're wrapped around the leg of a man who ordered the enslavement of 32,000 virgin females for "unspecificied uses."
Punkerslut: So, freedom is just a lobotomy away?
Punkerslut: Why not make your conversion complete and get one?
ChristIsLord: No, is living victorious over the enemy
Punkerslut: Who is.... who now?
Punkerslut: Who is the enemy?
ChristIsLord: The devil
Punkerslut: The unarmed, vigin females of the midianites?
Punkerslut: Well, they attacked the wrong person.
ChristIsLord: Yes they were too
Punkerslut: There's god for good instructions.
Punkerslut: The boys were slaughtered.
Punkerslut: The girls were kept.
Punkerslut: And you think I'm full of hatred? God commanded killing of witches (Exodus 22:18), killing heretics (Exodus 22:20), killing violators of the sabbath (Exodus 31:14-15 and Exodus 35:2), killing those who curse their parents (Leviticus 20:9), killing adulterers (Leviticus 20:10), and killing blasphemers (Leviticus 24:16)..
ChristIsLord: The sheep were kept too, Hmmmmm
Punkerslut: Yeah, I bet they fucked the sheep.
Punkerslut: It wouldn't surprise me.
Punkerslut: God's army is quite vicious and cruel.
ChristIsLord: They are against their enemy
Punkerslut: Yeah, children are my enemy, too.
ChristIsLord: They will be victorious over the Enemy
ChristIsLord: I like to snatch them up and throw them in boxes, and make them do crazy dances for me.
Punkerslut: Telling them, "It rubs the lotion on its skin."
Punkerslut: But it's all okay, because I like to reread those verses and tell myself, "God wants me to be victorious over the enemy."
ChristIsLord: The only way to get rid of the way you are feeling inside is to receive this God and let Him give you victory over the hatred. He will give you Life and it abundant.
ChristIsLord: If you make yourself an enemy of God you will become like one of the Midianites. God is God.
Punkerslut: You know, I always felt weak inside, like I needed someone to save me....
Punkerslut: I always knew the savior would be some fuckwad who ordered the enslavement of thousands of women.
Punkerslut: I mean, doesn't everyone feel that way?
Punkerslut: It's so natural.
Punkerslut: "I'm alone, cold, and battered, but hey, there's this guy with superpowers, and he likes enslaving women and killing children! Give me power! Holy ghost power!!!!" [Note: And that is a reference to the movie "The Apostle."]
Punkerslut: I know, I know, they're the enemy.
Punkerslut: Blah blah blah.
Punkerslut: I'd like to see you kill a child with your bear hands and laugh, "Oh, this poor son of a bitch? He's the enemy of god."
Punkerslut: Like a good christian.
ChristIsLord: Jesus laid down His Life now there doesnt need to be anymore killing
Punkerslut: But, it's cool that god did that?
Punkerslut: I mean, in the marketplace of religions, you're immediately drawn first to......
Punkerslut: ....... the enslaver of 32,000 women and the slayer of children?
Punkerslut: Buddha never enslaved anyone.
Punkerslut: I'd rather support him.
Punkerslut: Vishnu wasn't Sexist. He's my man.
Punkerslut: Lao Tzu had some pretty intelligent remarks on the functioning of society.
ChristIsLord: Buddha never died for anyones sins either
Punkerslut: Like that means anything.
ChristIsLord: Follow Buddha then!
ChristIsLord: Let Vishnu save you!
Punkerslut: And why couldn't they?
ChristIsLord: Maybe one of the other Hindu gods
Punkerslut: What makes it impossible?
Punkerslut: There are more Hindus in the world than Christians.
Punkerslut: It seems your miracles fail to impress, even with the most unbelievable amount of missionaries.
Punkerslut: For every Hindu missionary, there are 1,000 Christian oens.
Punkerslut: And yet, you're still doubted the world over.
ChristIsLord: Thats okay
Punkerslut: I'm sure it is.
Punkerslut: Because god, who created the universe, would have such massive problems in convincing his creation that he exists, right?
Punkerslut: I mean, that seems normal.
Punkerslut: "I'm the biggest thing around and nobody can deny me -- but very few people actually believe in me."
ChristIsLord: Is there a God, or not?
Punkerslut: That's totally normal.
Punkerslut: Probably not.
ChristIsLord: Then lets take a look at evolution
ChristIsLord: You have more faith than I do
Punkerslut: Oh, well that's a rather large statement.
Punkerslut: Fine, let's look at Evolution.
ChristIsLord: 2 Law of Thermodynamics flies directly in the face of it
Punkerslut: And what does the second law of thermodynamics say?
Punkerslut: Is it that one about Entropy? =)
Punkerslut: Is that the one?
Punkerslut: All things direct towards disorder?
Punkerslut: So, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, everything your actions are directed to, will fail?
ChristIsLord: Breaking down, wearing down, slowing down
Punkerslut: Everything you try to do will fail?
Punkerslut: That's what it says, right?
ChristIsLord: thats not what the law states
Punkerslut: Okay, you want to know what it actually states.
Punkerslut: It actually states that energy will reach an equilibrium in a closed system.
Punkerslut: That's what it says.
Punkerslut: Okay, so, that flies in the face of evolution.... HOW????
Punkerslut: "You construction workers are fucked! Don't you get it? All things tend toward disorder! You can't build a building! You'll just make a bigger mess!"
ChristIsLord: When left to itself energy and matter break down
ChristIsLord: You need a worker to construct
Punkerslut: Okay, okay, it's a law...... That means it is based on practical evidence.
ChristIsLord: You need a Creator
Punkerslut: And that god needs a god, right?
Punkerslut: So, we have an infinite number of gods.
Punkerslut: All creating each other, like some incestuous, homosexual orgy.
ChristIsLord: First Cause
Punkerslut: Oh, so, THINGS DON'T NEED A CAUSE???
Punkerslut: That's what the first cause states.
Punkerslut: That god doesn't need a first cause.
Punkerslut: So, why would anyone else?
ChristIsLord: You can observe everything else does
Punkerslut: So god must, too.
Punkerslut: And there must be an infinite line of gods.
Punkerslut: Oh, so if god doesn't need a cause, then nothing else does either.
ChristIsLord: Not necessarily
ChristIsLord: Can you see God?
Punkerslut: Since he's not real....... no.
ChristIsLord: If God isnt real then why are you arguing against Him
ChristIsLord signed off at 7:31:19 PM.
I cornered a Christian into agreeing with the slavery of women and slaughter of children, all with the use of a simple book called the Bible. In order to keep his religion, he had to admit that killing children and enslaving women was just. That makes me laugh. And that makes it a respectable addition to the Drunken Punker Series. If the bitterness of independent thinkers isn't enough to rouse a chuckle, a Christian making himself and his religion look bad should at least get you gut-laughing.