Episode 1: The Pagan Kid
Yeah, so what's the deal with the title of this article? Well, let's just say this... An amusing electronic adventure unfolded before me while I was under the influence of a pitcher of high alcohol beer. (Yes, my friends, malt liquor.) The euphoria culminated in a blissful explosion of pleasure; it felt like small spots of happiness were sprinkled over my body. Then what happens? An internet friend tells me that her Pagan weirdo friend is being Paganly weird. Well, this friend of mine was also a Pagan (she's cool), and her friend is being a hypocrite to Paganism (or something) -- hey, I have to justify what I do to the poor fucker. Anyway, I had a conversation with the punk. Understand that I am fucking wasted when I talk him. Enjoy!
Punkerslut: Mmmmmmmmm, Paganism.
Pagan Kid: u r?
Punkerslut: A Pagan!
Punkerslut: A PAGAN FUCKING FREAK!
Pagan Kid: bye
Pagan Kid: who r u?
Punkerslut: My name is Gondalth.
Punkerslut: Seventh witch to the second moon of Mars.
Pagan Kid: ok?
Punkerslut: The goddess of the syphs want to know where you stand in the war of Pluto versus Jupitar.
Pagan Kid: umm.......i am not pagan
Punkerslut: Your buddy icon says so.
Pagan Kid: ya i am a face to a pagan religion
Pagan Kid: i am Wiccan
Punkerslut: Boooooo.... The gods hate decent.
Pagan Kid: u go to rms?
Punkerslut: You could say that, but what is more important.... do you go to the sacred temple of the lost elder gods?
Pagan Kid: no
Punkerslut: You know what happens to your penis when you fail to complete the twelfth ritual of Agnor, right?
Pagan Kid: ur weird u know that
Pagan Kid: i know who u r so why r u talking to me
Punkerslut: Alas, brother Pagan, I am weird!? You are the one who hast forgotten of the ways o fold.
Punkerslut: Aw, fuck, you know who I am?
Pagan Kid: yea
Punkerslut: Say the name and I shall be cast into the dark abyss.
Pagan Kid: u whach to many movies and read to many fantasy books
Punkerslut: Books, like the Satanic Bible and the code of ethos for Wiccans. "Do as yee will, long as yee harm none."
Pagan Kid: Satanic Bible has nottin to to with wiccan
Punkerslut: Have you read it!?
Pagan Kid: yes
Punkerslut: Well, Anton LaVey can blow me.
Pagan Kid: i study many religions
Punkerslut: As do I, young Obeiwan.
Pagan Kid: how did u get my sn?
Punkerslut: Witchvox, punk.
Pagan Kid: u lie, my witchvox account gives my sn of BlazFire not castedrune
Punkerslut: Yes, but you see.... The gods have given me many eyes upon which to gaze at you.
Pagan Kid: lol u crack me up
Punkerslut: You shall scream that when you get condemned by the lords of damnation~!
Pagan Kid: there is only one godhead and faces to him
Pagan Kid: orher
Pagan Kid: there is no lord of damnation
Punkerslut: Faces? alas, I wouldn't worship a double-faced god.
Punkerslut: You can.
Punkerslut: Because you'ru a fucking freaking freak pagan.
Pagan Kid: don't make my power bind urs before misuse. and i will see that karma wil come to you in the way it should come. u will learn soon enough brian
Punkerslut: And I shall smite thee, that thou hast learnt the fury of pain, the fucking glory of having no penis while you fuck your 12 year old sister/daughter on a freak fucking pagan holiday!
Pagan Kid: pagans don't have holidays
Punkerslut: FUCK YOU!!!!!
Punkerslut: WHAT THE FUCK IS HALLOWEEN!?
Pagan Kid: i don't what ticked u off but don't take it out on me, halloween is celebrated national as the day of the dead
Punkerslut: Yeah, THAT IS WHAT IT IS -- not fucking go trick or treating and bashing the neighbors' mail box, you fucking cock and balls imitation of the Garcia brothers.
Punkerslut: THE SPIRIT'S ATTACKING ME! MAKE IT STOP!
Pagan Kid: u r obviously mislead into paganism and i will teach u if u like
Punkerslut: Yeah, like I want your cock in my ass.
Punkerslut: I'm sorry, that was unnecessary.
Pagan Kid: umm can i have ur name plz
Punkerslut: That's what the goddes of Venus calls me -- dang, ain't she cute? I would tell you what the goddess of Neptune calls me, but some things I like to keep between the sheets, you know what I mean? Huh? Huh?
Pagan Kid: and some advice spirts are peaceful
Punkerslut: Except when they're fucking going up your ass like it's a prison rape scene.
Pagan Kid: i ........i...........i... don't think spirits rape
Punkerslut: Well, wait till you drop the soap, mothafukka!
Pagan Kid: ok swearing will not help u to the right path ok
Punkerslut: Nor will ghetto slang.... Jupiter hates that.
Punkerslut: Man, I bet it's rough.... I mean, being an asshole like you.
Pagan Kid: u seem to memorize a fair amount of gods
Punkerslut: ARES WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!
Pagan Kid: aries.....its aries....aries ok ok
Punkerslut: Hey, asshole, it was translated from FUCKING LATIN!
Punkerslut: If that means anything to a neglected pudge like you.
Pagan Kid: look brian if it makes feel better no i do not believe in tru
Punkerslut: .... "tru"? This is cyberspace, not the ghetto.
Punkerslut: And my name is fucking Gondalth!
Punkerslut: Make a mistake again, and Mercury will kick you out of the Pagan fan club.
Pagan Kid: okyour angry emotions are too amusing to you and it hurts me head and i am going to sleep
Punkerslut: I hope that orgasm you have when you think of the naked body of Uranus doesn't give you a fucking heartattack.
Punkerslut: ..... felt my magic powers crawling over your body, huh?
Punkerslut: Just don't undress me with your eyes next time.
Punkerslut: Because I felt that.
Pagan Kid: NO I FEELING YOUR EMOTIONS CAUSE I AM AN EMPATH
Punkerslut: I'mma go fuck/worship Mars.
Pagan Kid: ok
Pagan Kid: have fuhn
Pagan Kid: i am going to sleep now, i'll talk to you tomarow
Pagan Kid: later
Pagan Kid signed off at 1:09:42 AM.